1.
when i was old enough to count
i would count the rafters
and beams in church
sitting on wooden benches
swinging legs too short to touch the floor
listening to the prayers and hymns
the droning sermons of father so and so
or father so and so
and in amongst the twenty-six twenty-seven
twenty-eight stand up kneel amen
i realised this god, this church
could not love me –
white enough i was for sure
but there were no daughters
in this kingdom of god
this brotherhood of christ,
this telling of the world
was not me
i was free
2.
some weeks
are too hard to swallow
they sit like stones in your mouth
weigh down your tongue
speechless
3.
and i would like to say
that that child knew
that i knew what it meant to be white,
to be black – then,
what it means now
and if it has changed yet at all
but my words are nothing
to the butt of a gun to a skull
nothing to the black mother
holding the baby boy to her chest
praying to a god
whose daughters live invisible
in his presence
begging him
please lord
let this one live
4.
head thorax abdomen
the godless class
insectivora
insignificant
invisible
gone
biodiversity collapse
in a handy aerosol dispenser
5.
and dronga wheels
the bright blue sky
and dronga
wheels the sky
6.
wake in the night
skin tasting a shift
in the weather
heart thumping loud in my ears
was it a smell
a tympanic measuring
of a drop in humidity
plummeting pressure
my animal body
recalls this constellation
this hot wild wind
that comes from winter silence
that will blow the forest tinder
that might bring flames
again
and my heart won’t still
in the quiet of the night
it says run
leave
go
but we have run
as far as we can
there is no away
anymore
7.
the great god mantis
turns her holy head
swivels those inscrutable eyes
to look at me
says daughter of earth
daughter of stars and deep water
it is you
not the way
that is lost
pray.
8.
evening rain
falls a blessing
on the parched skin
of the earth
falls tears to the sadness
of our collective culpability
and in our knowing
seeds will grow
singing hallelujahs
through the darkness
of these days.
For Earthweal’s weekly challenge: Environmental Justice.
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